SEN Support
Help the school puts in place itself — seating, movement breaks, a quiet space, extra time, a key adult. No diagnosis needed. Ask for it in writing and ask to see the plan.
Neurodivergence
Your child isn't broken. The system is slow.
Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, Tourette's. This is what the process actually looks like in the UK, what you can ask for, what you can claim, and what helps at home while you wait. Written for parents doing it on their own.
Getting an assessment
The waiting list is the hard part. There are ways round it.
You do not need a diagnosis to get support, and you should not wait for one before asking school for help. But a diagnosis opens doors, so it is worth starting the clock early.
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Write down what you're seeing
Specific examples with dates, not labels. "Covers his ears and leaves the room when the hoover starts" is far more useful to a clinician than "sensory issues". Keep it on your phone as you notice things.
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Ask school for their view
The SENCO — the teacher responsible for special educational needs — can write what they see in class. A referral with school evidence behind it moves faster than one without.
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Go to the GP and ask for a referral
For autism this usually goes to a community paediatric or neurodevelopmental team; for ADHD to CAMHS or a specialist service. Ask them to note that you want a referral, and ask for it in writing.
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In England, ask about Right to Choose
You have a legal right to choose which NHS-commissioned provider does the assessment, and some independent providers have far shorter waits than your local team. It still costs you nothing. Your GP has to agree the referral, and not every GP knows this exists — it is worth naming it directly.
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Ask for support while you wait
Waits of two years and more are common. School support does not depend on a diagnosis, and neither does a request for an EHC needs assessment. Do not put the rest on hold.
Right to Choose applies in England and there are conditions — it is not available for every service or every age. Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland run different systems. Check with your GP or your local parent carer forum before relying on it.
School
What you can ask a school for, and what you can insist on.
Two different things sit behind the jargon. SEN Support is what the school arranges itself. An EHCP is a legal document the council has to fund and deliver.
First stage
Legal
An EHC needs assessment
You can apply to the council yourself. You do not need the school's permission and you do not need a diagnosis. They have six weeks to tell you whether they will assess.
Legal
The EHCP itself
Names what your child needs and who must provide it. The whole process should take twenty weeks. Refusals are common and appeals are frequently successful — a "no" is not the end.
Free help
SENDIASS
Every local authority funds one: free, confidential, impartial advice on all of this. They will help you word a letter. Search your council's name plus SENDIASS.
Free help
IPSEA
Legal advice on SEND law, including appeals to the tribunal. Their model letters alone are worth the visit.
ipsea.org.uk →Watch for
Illegal exclusions
Being asked to collect your child early "to help them settle", or to keep them home part-time without a formal plan, is usually unlawful. Ask for it in writing and it often stops.
This is England. Wales uses Additional Learning Needs and an IDP, Scotland uses Additional Support Needs and a Co-ordinated Support Plan, Northern Ireland uses SEN and a statement. The principles are similar, the paperwork is not.
Money
Things you can claim that nobody mentions.
None of these need a diagnosis. They are based on the care and support your child actually needs compared with another child the same age.
Under 16
Disability Living Allowance
For extra care or supervision needs, or mobility. The form is long and off-putting; Contact and Cerebra both publish guides to filling it in.
gov.uk →For you
Carer's Allowance
If you provide 35 hours of care a week and your child gets DLA at the middle or higher rate for care. It can affect other benefits, so check before claiming.
Council
Short breaks
Councils must provide short breaks for disabled children. Ask children's services for a carer's assessment — being at the end of your rope is a reason, not a failing.
Grants
Family Fund
Grants for families raising a disabled or seriously ill child — washing machines, beds, sensory equipment, days out.
familyfund.org.uk →Transport
Blue Badge
Since 2019 hidden disabilities count in England, including autism, where being near traffic causes a risk of serious harm. Councils vary on how well they apply it.
School
Home to school transport
If your child cannot reasonably walk to school because of their needs, the council may have to arrange and pay for transport.
At home
What actually helps while you wait.
Meltdowns aren't tantrums
A tantrum has a goal and stops when it is met. A meltdown is a nervous system that has run out of room. Fewer words, less eye contact, somewhere dim and quiet, and wait. Debrief later, not during.
Warn before you switch
Transitions cost more than the activities either side of them. Two warnings, a timer they can see, and the same words every time.
Let the safe food be the safe food
Repetitive eating is common and usually not worth a fight. Offer alongside rather than instead, and pick your battles for things that matter more.
After school falling apart is normal
Holding it together all day has a cost, and you get the bill at 3:20. It is not about you and it is not a discipline problem. Low demands for the first half hour.
Stimming is regulation
Rocking, flapping, humming, spinning. Unless it is hurting them, leave it alone. Suppressing it costs energy they need for everything else.
You might be neurodivergent too
A lot of parents recognise themselves partway through their child's assessment. It explains a great deal, and adult diagnosis is worth looking into when you have the capacity.
Watch
Parents who have been round it already.
Assessments, school meetings, meltdowns and the bits nobody warns you about.
Near you
Assessment services, groups and advocates.
Checked before they go up. Your local SENDIASS is the best first call for anything school-related, and it costs nothing.
Who to ring
People who do this every day.
Every number here needs checking against the organisation's own site before you rely on it. Nothing on this page is legal or medical advice.
Questions
Things parents ask.
Do we need a diagnosis to get help at school?
No. Schools must support a child's needs whether or not anything is diagnosed, and you can request an EHC needs assessment without one. A diagnosis helps, but waiting for it costs your child time.
The council said no to an assessment. Is that it?
No. Refusals are common and a large share of appeals to the SEND tribunal succeed. IPSEA and your local SENDIASS will help you appeal, both free.
Can I get a private diagnosis instead?
You can, and it is quicker, but some NHS services and some schools will not accept a private report, and ADHD medication needs a shared care agreement your GP may decline. Ask what will be accepted locally before you spend anything.
Is it too late for my teenager?
No. Assessments run into adulthood, and understanding themselves matters at any age. EHCPs can run to 25 if the young person is in education or training.
Should I get myself assessed?
Many parents realise during their child's assessment that it describes them too. There is no rush, but it is worth knowing, and adult services exist. Right to Choose applies to adults in England as well.
Do I have to use identity-first language?
Most autistic adults prefer "autistic person" to "person with autism". Not everyone agrees, and you are allowed to follow what your own child prefers once they can tell you.